


motion

by once_in_a



Series: the story of you [4]
Category: Magisterium Series - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare
Genre: Gen, Multiple times, but still just mentioned, haha what is dialogue, he deserves better, jasper has an inferiority complex and insecurity problems, tamara and call are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 10:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7613722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/once_in_a/pseuds/once_in_a
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction</p><p>(you like to think that means that life evens out eventually, and all the insecurity that makes up most of your personality will eventually give way to self-confidence. then again, life has a funny way of never working out the way you want it to)</p>
            </blockquote>





	motion

**Author's Note:**

> jasper has an inferiority complex and insecurity problems, but what kid doesnt  
> he's asian, btw. its canon

Everything crashes and burns as soon as you’re born. You’ve heard of the Glory Days, the times before the war, how could you not? Despite how much your family has lost in the war, your mother refuses to let go of the manor. Refuses to lose any more of their prestige, despite how much they could use the money. She sells the furniture instead. Looking from the outside, it’s quite hard to look at the manor and connect it to the cold and empty interior. It’s funny, when you think about it. Fitting, you think, for your family. You know the empty rooms and echoing corridors like the back of your hand, and attempts are made at ignoring the the judgmental stares of your ancestors as they look down at you from their portraits.

There is one bed in the entire manor, and it is not yours. It’s situated in your parent’s room, and you embrace your Japanese heritage and sleep in a futon. On nights when your mother is working a double shift at whatever cheap diner or cafe and your father is working the night shift of his second job, you climb into their bed and stare at the cold, empty walls. You try to imagine a time before everything that ever brought your family happiness went up in flames. Wealth, reputation, and the perfect child. You wonder what he was like, the so-called perfect child that fought in the first war. The one that mother often wakes up screaming about, and father always compares you to whenever he looks at you. You have the same initials, you know that, but other than that, no one talks about them. You wonder what it’s like to be forgotten.

Mother lapses into Japanese often. In the middle of her breakdowns, especially. You don’t think she notices, but either way, she’s adamant in you becoming fluent in the language. You have no need for the language, but it’s the only time your mother truly looks at you without seeing someone else, so you put up with it.

Sometimes, when the pressure gets too overbearing, when Mother and Father are screaming at each other, when you feel as though everything is breaking into pieces, you sit in your closet and stare at the hand-me downs. Sometimes, when you close your eyes and plug your ears, you can sometimes forget about the rumors that surround your family. The scoffs and whispers. Then again, this is only sometimes. Other times, you sneak out and run to Tamara’s house. Meeting Tamara was the silver-lining in your otherwise bleak, gray childhood.

You go to the Magisterium, and things begin to change.

In the years before your entrance to the Magisterium, you’ve stopped locking yourself in your closet and instead turn to snark and sarcasm. You’ve grown up, though others would disagree. Despite how you act, you’ve gotten along with most everyone you talk to. It’s when you begin to panic that you get mean.

And then, Callum Hunt has to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong and everything you’ve worked your  _ life  _ for,  _ what you have endured abuse and taunts for _ , gets taken away from you by a boy that doesn’t even want it. And it only gets worse.

Your best friend, who you’ve stuck with through thick and thin with, the literal only person who knows a fraction of what you’ve been through, gets taken away too, by a boy she met barely a month or so ago. And you  _ break _ .

You increase the amount of training and studying, and decrease the amount of time you sleep. Besides, who needs sleep? It’s for the weak, anyways.

Callum Hunt sees you at your worst, and doesn’t tell anyone. You wonder if you should be grateful.

You don’t know why you decide to save him. You move more n instinct than anything else. But when you’re back on land, Tamara seems happy, so you count it as a win in your book. 

You offer an olive branch at the end of the year, and don’t stick around to see if he takes it. You don’t think he does.

 

You know that if Tamara’s parents had it their way, your family would never be invited to their social functions. The Assembly acts as though your family is made out of complete idiots. As if your parents don’t notice the looks thrown their way. And to an outsider, it may seem that way, but you can see the tension in your father’s shoulders, the white-knuckled grip your mother has on her wineglass, and you wonder if it’s really worth it.

Your parents don’t splurge on  fancy haircut this year. Instead, your father sends you off with a heavy hand on your shoulder, and your mother graces you with hard eyes and a thin smile. Don’t disgrace us, they scream silently, and you scoff quietly as you turn away. As if you could do any more damage to the deWinter name. 

You can.

As you stare out at the faces of the people who had shunned your family as soon as their wealth had been lost, you can feel the beginnings of panic. It’s an ugly feeling, but not an unfamiliar one, so you grit your teeth and attempt to look as though you’re in some control of your actions.

You look at the people next to you. The alarmed looks being sent your way. Don’t think so little of me, you want to scream, at them, at everyone who has ever thought of you as less than what you are, but you force it into the back of your mind, where you keep most of what you feel these days, and instead wear your default expression of illusioned self-confidence, and smirk.

They give you gratified smiles. It feels nice to be appreciated, for once.

**Author's Note:**

> i like to think that jasper had an older sibling who died in the war and had the same initials as him since all his stuff is hand me downs, and his parents probably simultaneously refuse to acknowledge that he even had an older sibling and compare him to them at every given opportunity


End file.
